Crying isn't just for Babies

When tragedy comes into your life, what do a lot of people say? Well, a lot of things, I guess, but I always seem to pick up on the whole "stay strong" thing. While nice to hear someone cares and is supporting you, it's never seemed beneficial to me. I mean, what if you cant be strong? What if you are falling apart into little pieces, but you feel expected to stay strong, so in addition to grief from the tragedy you also feel like a failure and lonely.

Well I am here to tell you, its okay to be weak. You cannot "stay strong" all by yourself. The pressure of carrying that kind of load, all by your lonesome, is crippling. Like grief is such a heavy emotion, the feeling alone weighs your body down. And if you hold it in long enough, your body begins to ache uncontrolably.

Recently experiencing my first major tragedy(a death of a friend), I felt constantly like i had to hold the emotions in. I would fake a smile and go to school acting like I was okay, but I was breaking inside. I felt like I had to be strong for my friends and my family. I didnt want people to worry about me. So everytime tears would begin to come and my throat started closing the way it does when your about to cry, I would fight them back, in hopes no one would notice and worry. 

But then I went to confession, and truly poured everything my heart was carrying out to the priest. I sat waiting for my penitence(hoping i spelled that right) and he told me to go sit with God in silence for 10 minutes and just be there. As I was getting up to go carry this out, he said "Hey, just so you know, its okay to cry." 

And so thats what I did. I waited until adoration(my favorite thing EVER) and i just cried. I cried for the death of a friend, gone way to soon. I cried for her family and their broken hearts. I cried for the memories we shared, good and bad. I cried for the seperation our friendship experienced the last few years of her life. I cried for the pain and fear she felt in the last moments of her life. I cried for the beuaty and love she now knew. I cried because she was with God, and finally happy. I cried for myself, and I let The Lord hold me. I listened to him tell me he was taking good care of my friend, and that she was beautiful, happy, and healthy as ever. 

I wouldnt have opened up my heart to hear what The Lord had to tell me if I had never allowed myself to be weak and cry. Through my weakness, God made me strong, but without Him in my life, "strong" had no meaning. So next time your faced with a challenge, remember its okay to be weak. Seek your strength through God, you dont have to do it on your own, because he says "Fear not,  for I am with you." Isaiah 43: 5. God is with you, what else could be better?!?

MC Halphen

                                                         Rest in Peace Emily

(If you haven't read Isaiah 43 in its entirety DO IT NOW)