Embrace Humanity

"Be humble, Be Simple, and Bring Joy to Others"- St. Madeline Sophie Barat

Do you ever have this desire that you know you want but you think its kinda silly and stupid and unreasonable so you don't want to even bring it to Jesus because its going to make you look so little and dependent and helpless and weak? 

A lot of times in my personal prayer, I know deep down what my heart desires but I won't admit it to myself, or if I do, I sure as heck try to trick God into thinking it much prettier, much more elegant, and much more sensible. But y'all, nothing about The Cross is sensible, and prayer shouldn't be either. God desires us to come to Him with passion and love and anger and fear and heartbreak and a thirst. He created us as uniquely Human, to be in this world, but not of it. He thirsts for us to come to Him exactly the way we are, broken, fallen, joyful and miraculous creatures. Life is coarse; its bumpy and sticky. God doesn't want us to pretty up our mess for Him, He wants us to offer our authentic, real selves to Him. I am so so guilty of prettying up my prayer before God to make it seem "better" or "more mature". But its not authentically mine and God knows that. 

Never be ashamed of whats on your heart. Our human desires are (mostly) good and Holy. Don't pull a Mary Catherine and be embarrassed by whats stirring up in your heart. Even if it seems impossible or unreasonable, if you never bring your desires, fully and honestly to God, how do you ever expect to trust Him? I tell my best friend, Faith, everything. I know she's not going to judge me for dreaming too big or desiring crazy things. If we don't talk to God about our hearts like we talk to our best friends, how are we supposed to maintain the most important friendship of all creation- the one between man and His Savior? 

So if you have this crazy, wild, unreasonable desire on your heart, take it to the Lord, just the way it is. He handled The Cross for us, it brings His heart immense joy when we trust him to handle our hearts. Ask Mary to pray for it for you, she'll make it real pretty to give to her Son, if your still embarrassed like me. But God knows your human, so don't feel like you have to go before Him as anything more. Our Humanity beautiful and we cannot be afraid to embrace it. 

Come As You Are

Lay down your burdens, lay down your shame. All who are broken, lift up your face. Oh wanderer come home, you're not too far. So lay down your hurt, lay down your heart, come as you are.

Today, I sang this song as I walked down the aisle to receive my King, and never before have the words impacted me so much. Christ's love for us is such an unfathomable and wonderfully mysterious thing, and I am always awed by his infinite mercy. Lately I have been letting satan convince me that I'm completely unworthy of the love of Christ, but that is just not true. Christ is always ready to pour his love and mercy upon me. Every day he's begging me to "come home... come home...", and today I came home. I told my Jesus that I was ready to let go of my sins and restraints, and through Reconciliation he freed me of my bounds and ran to me at full speed. Like the father of the prodigal son, He rejoiced and embraced me, and I have never felt so loved. So complete.

I say this because no matter how burdened, ashamed, broken, lost, or hurt we feel, God loves us. He wants us at our best and our worst. No matter where we stand God is waiting for us to come home. Although, we must keep in mind that it's so much more than an "I guess I'm sorry and I'll try to do better." When we sin, we hurt Jesus. We nail Him to that cross and He suffers and dies for us. But He does this because He loves us. We must surrender ourselves to Him and show Him that we desire His love.

We were made for so much more than the mediocrity of our society. We were made to grow and thrive in Christ's love. He gives us not only a second and third chance, but infinite chances. Never let your sins get the best of you. Don't you dare give up. Though you are flawed, just like we all are as human beings, you are made perfect through Christ. Come home with whatever burdens you carry and struggles in your heart. Offer them up to the Lord and come just as you are.

Happy Easter

For my Theology class this semester, Word of God: Scripture and Tradition, we had to read chapters 17 & 18 from St. Augustine's City of God. The first time I read it, I had no idea what was going on. I was completely overwhelmed with information. Likewise, with the second time. But I made an outline. Then, today, I went back and made an outline of the outline, and I looked for major themes in the text. I give you now a summary of my outline of the outline (an overview of salvation history):
God created Adam. Adam is then technically a son of God. Then, God put Adam to sleep and created Eve from his body. Satan comes along and, because he hates God, breaks his creation. This was the Fall. God says ok, I'll fix it. He calls Abraham. He makes promises to him, his son, his grandson, etc. Every major experience of Abraham and the Israelites prefigures Christ, but there's no time to get into that now. Anyway, after Moses brings the Israelites back from Egypt and gives them the Law, God fulfills the earthly promises he made to Abraham, namely a place to worship and a nation of his descendants. A royal kingdom is established under David. Satan likewise breaks this under Solomon's rule, after the earthly temple is built. By now you're probably thinking, when is God going to make something that Satan can't break? Oh, just wait. Under the royal kingdom, there are prophets that begin to witness the coming of Christ. After the break of the Davidic kingdom, the Roman Empire begins to rise (very slowly). Now there are prophets that are calling for the conversion of the Gentiles. God spoke through the mouth of the prophets this way because he was going to make the Roman Empire conquer the world (at least what was known to be the world at that time). There is the exile, the return, and the Maccabean revolt. Now, most of the world is relatively at peace. The Romans are rising, the Jews have their land back (although under the Roman rule) and there are no prophets among the Jewish people. Then comes Christ. He proclaims a heavenly kingdom under God the Father, through his Son (Jesus himself). Satan sees this and he thinks he can break the Messiah as well. And he does. He stirred up the wickedness in human hearts, and Jesus was crucified. Satan thought this his greatest victory - God tried to make something he couldn't break, and he broke it. But then something happened that Satan didn't quite expect. JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD. He put himself back together. Satan couldn't break him. What was worse for him, Christ, the Son of God, created a bride for himself, the Church. He made his bride from his own body. And he made her eternal too. She was persecuted; Satan tried to break her. But she conquered the Roman Empire, and through it, the world. Though nations rise and fall, Christ's bride is eternal. She awaits his second coming in expectant hope, because when he comes again Christ will be with her forever, in perfect love and unity.
Have a blessed Easter season, Church.

You are Awesome

"You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works!" Psalm 139:13-14

That, my lovely Catholic amigos, is my favorite bible verse and has been since it was first shared with me almost 3 years ago. Why, you might ask? Well, at the time, I was 15, in the midst/tail end of the painfully awkward middle school/ freshman years. So many new thoughts, pressures, and experiences are thrown at you at this time of your life, and honestly the timing really stinks. As a young teen, I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be (and I'm sure I'm not the only one who went through this). I was the definition of awkward, just look at my 7th grade year book picture(YIKES). I let every comment anyone ever said define me, and I worked tirelessly to try to recreate myself to fit the eyes of my peers. I didn't hate myself, or even come close to it, but I did constantly find myself wishing to be smarter, or less socially awkward, or more talented, or prettier, or taller(still struggle with this one tbh).

In the meantime, I was going through the confirmation process. In 7th grade, I watched my older brother(and role model) get confirmed. He said he could feel the Holy Spirit in him, which the thought of simply left me in awe. One year later it was my turn, and I guess you could say I was excited but I didn't really get it. For a number of reasons, I guess I just wasn't at the spiritual maturity level to receive the Holy Spirit. BUT long story short, I left mass feeling the same why I walked in: hungry.

But then I read the twenty four words above, and my life got flipped upside down. My revelation went a little like this:

"Alright, so God made me, that's pretty cool, I guess. WAIT WAIT WAIT, GOD made ME. like he actually took the time to create me. He spent time forming the deepest, darkest, ugliest parts of me. HE MADE THE WHOLE FREAKING WORLD AND HE STILL FELT THE NEED TO MAKE ME?!? WHY WOULD HE SPEND ALL THIS TIME CREATING ME IF HE DIDNT THINK I WAS WORTH SOMETHING? HE LITERALLY MADE ME BECAUSE HE BELIVIES IN ME.  AND I DOUBT HIS PLANS FOR ME? LIKE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING MARY CATHERINE?!"

and just like that, I wasn't hungry anymore. Accepting the fact that God made me perfectly for a ultimate purpose (glorifying him) brought me peace and freed my heart from worrying about insecurities. With the new room in my heart, I was able to create a home for God. Sure, I have neglected him, and kicked him out of my heart a few times since. I definitely don't have a perfect faith but I think everyone struggles with maintaining an active relationship with God, especially when there are so many unknowns in the future. But at the end of the day, the times when I let the Lord overtake my life and worries, Im a lot happier, and that beautiful fact gives me faith.

SOOOO....
if you're feeling insecure and you don't know what for, just remember you're turning heads when you walk through the door.
sorry couldn't help but bring a little one direction up in here.
But you are, in fact, turning heads, every time you walk through the doors. YOU, lovely person, are constantly turning God's head. For he made you wonderfully, and he believes in the purpose that is you. You may not know what that purpose is yet, and you may not be crazy happy with everything about yourself but that's okay. God created YOU, your strengths and weaknesses, and knowingly put you on this Earth. He made you to be beautiful and strong and absolutely perfect for the purpose you are intended to fill. You may not have it all figured out, but that's okay. Trust the Lord, he has got your back. You are his wonderful work, and nothing or nobody is better at being you.

Remember the Lord took a week to create everything around us, but He took 9 whole freaking months to make you. Just let that sink in.

Hit me up if you ever need a pep talk or just need to talk, and know that you're always in my prayers.

"And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and  every kind of perception, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God." - Philippians 1: 9-11

Divine Providence

Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence is the title of the book my parish priest gave to me two months ago. Siri has informed me that “Providence” is both the capital of Rhode Island and the manifestation of God's foresightful care for His creatures. Knowing this, I laughed this morning when I came across the same book with the unreasonably long title, lying open on the floor of my car, the spine crushed by a glass shelf. (Don't ask)

I laughed because the natural metaphor machine in my brain immediately struck with me with one of the most accurate spiritual comparisons it has conceived thus far: I treat this book about divine providence the same way I treat actual Divine Providence in my life. I've seemingly overlooked the secret to true happiness! Let me explain…

We are promised constantly in scripture and in the Sacraments that God is always watching over us, protecting us, and caring for us. We see this in Exodus 16, in which The Lord provides for His chosen people of Israel with bread and quail, even as they continued to disobey God's commandments and complain constantly.

Then in Jeremiah 29, a verse we are so familiar with,

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Brothers and sisters, there is a difference between following God's will for us and trusting it. I can walk blindfolded, with you leading me, and still not trust that you're actually taking me for ice cream. In reality, I know that I wholeheartedly listen to God's will for me with an open heart, but doubt and uncertainty still linger. My mouth speaks the word “yes,” but my heart has me wait at the door, until it knows it's safe outside.

To be welcomed into the wonderful mystery of our faith demands a sacrifice of comfort that defies all of our innate survival instincts. God calls men and women to work with lepers and the poor, to strip themselves of all worldly possessions and to give their lives to others. How can we be expected to trust a God who demands so much?

Well, it's not easy and it takes time. So this Lent, as we strive to make sacrifices of time and comfort, and we increase our dependency on God, we can also strive to trust that following God's will is the quickest and surest path to our own happiness and will give us the most fulfilling life here on Earth.

Can ya dig it?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on God's will and providence. 
Text me at 972-825-3477

Peter

     John 21 partly recounts what many know to be the “story of Jesus and the fish,” where Jesus tells the disciples to cast out their nets again and they catch so many that their nets nearly break. This is one of his appearances to the disciples after his Resurrection, and afterwards Jesus has a conversation with Peter. Now, when Jesus was taken away before his crucification, Peter stood outside in the courtyard and denied him three times, just as was predicted. Now, Jesus asks Peter if he loves him, repeating it three times, and thus restores Peter, counteracts his denial.

     I’m not a biblical scholar or theologian, I’m just a teenager with access to the internet, but I do know that the Gospel of John was written in Greek with a greater purpose in mind than recording word for word the life and times of Jesus of Nazareth. In Greek, love’s many dimensions were more clearly defined in that there are four words for love. Storge was natural affection, the type a parent naturally feels for their children and vice versa. Eros is love associated with sexual desire (whose relationship with the other forms is very interesting and complex - see Deus Caritas Est). The two words used here are phileo - often characterized as brotherly love, and agape, love as an act of self-gift, the perfect love that emanates from God.

     The first time Jesus asks Peter he uses the word agape. He asks Peter do you love me unconditionally as God the Father does. And Peter responds that he phieleos him, he loves him as a brother. Again, Jesus asks Peter, do you agape me and again Peter responds he phileos him. Finally, Jesus asks the third time, this time if Peter phileos him, and Peter responds that he does. 

      Jesus saw that Peter was not capable of what He wanted him to be capable of, and yet instead of leaving it Jesus met Peter where he was by asking the third time if he phileos him. And then He did something else. He told Peter that he would be the rock upon which He would found his Church. Peter was a coward, a follower, the ye in "oh ye of little faith." He was just a man. But Christ took him as he was and built His vehicle of salvation upon him anyways. 

“All the empires and the kingdoms have failed, because of this inherent and continual weakness, that they were founded by strong men and upon strong men. But this one thing, the historic Christian Church, was founded on a weak man, and for that reason it is indestructible. For no chain is stronger than its weakest link.”

- G. K. Chesterton

The Nature of the Call

I was in eighth grade when God called me to be a priest. That day changed my life completely, causing me to leave my old life behind and try to follow God. However, this isn't about me; this is about you and your calling and the nature of a calling from God. Here's what I've cone to know about the call from God. 

It's Supernatural!

When God called me, I wasn't active in my Catholic faith, I had never considered the priesthood as a career option, and it certainly had never been suggested or even mentioned to me. In fact, before hearing the words flow through my heart, "I want you to be a priest," I had never even fathomed the possibility of a relationship with God, let alone a life devoted to Him! So I can say with complete confidence that my calling came from God alone. Indeed, even today, four years later, after learning how to recognize God's voice in my life, I still find myself stumped when I ponder His reasoning for asking me to serve Him in this way. 

Therefore, when God calls us, it tends to exist outside the normal limitations of human logic and reasoning, and more often than not, we never expect the outcome. Yet, it is important to remember that despite our own reluctance to throw down our nets and leave our whole lives behind, following God's plan will bring us more joy than any plan we could imagine for ourselves. See Jeremiah 29:11

It means Sacrifice!

Whether you're called to married life, single life, or religious life, there is always some form of sacrifice needed for you to fully live out your vocation. These sacrifices are to be embraced and will eventually bring you peace if you allow yourself to trust God. Sometimes the nature of the call means for us to step away from our current friend group, or let go of something that gives us comfort or pleasure, or to ditch our own plans for our lives, either way, these sacrifices are designed by God not to burden us but to allow us to be more at peace living out our vocation. 

It can be surprising! 

Nobody ever suggested to me that I should become a Priest. Like I mentioned earlier, I had never imagined a world where the priesthood was even a possibility! So when God planted that beautiful seed in my heart, it was as if a whole new reality was revealed to me, the world increased in dimension, a depth of understanding became clear, and God became a person, all in a moment. In one moment, I had total and complete faith in the fact that I was created for one thing and one thing only: to be God's priest. 

Who am I to receive such a mind-blowing, life-changing, world-stopping gift: the gift of faith?

I don't know how or when God will reveal His plan for you, but I can guess that it will knock you off your feet, maybe literally. Start preparing yourself to accept whatever He wants, denying yourself any say in the matter, because quite frankly, He knows better than us what will make us perfectly joyful and content in this life. 

My last bit of advice is never go 100%

God works in ways which we can not possibly comprehend or foresee. Let Him guide you day by day, and wake up each morning open to His Will. So ladies, if you were wondering, I haven't completely closed the door to marriage... Just kidding, verging in innapropriate, but I'm a kid, what can I say? 

This week, I received conditional acceptance into Holy Trinity Seminary. It's been four years since God planted that seed; four years have led up to next Fall. 

To think I will be a seminarian in five months... I realize that there's nothing in the world that could make me happier. 

Brothers and sister, please pray for me and my vocation, and know that I will be doing the same for you. 

Father,

Draw your children in close,

Pull us into your loving embrace,

And whisper your plans for us.

Show us how to listen and follow.

We love you and we thank you for our lives and your providence. 

Never let us go, Lord.

Amen