You are Awesome

"You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works!" Psalm 139:13-14

That, my lovely Catholic amigos, is my favorite bible verse and has been since it was first shared with me almost 3 years ago. Why, you might ask? Well, at the time, I was 15, in the midst/tail end of the painfully awkward middle school/ freshman years. So many new thoughts, pressures, and experiences are thrown at you at this time of your life, and honestly the timing really stinks. As a young teen, I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be (and I'm sure I'm not the only one who went through this). I was the definition of awkward, just look at my 7th grade year book picture(YIKES). I let every comment anyone ever said define me, and I worked tirelessly to try to recreate myself to fit the eyes of my peers. I didn't hate myself, or even come close to it, but I did constantly find myself wishing to be smarter, or less socially awkward, or more talented, or prettier, or taller(still struggle with this one tbh).

In the meantime, I was going through the confirmation process. In 7th grade, I watched my older brother(and role model) get confirmed. He said he could feel the Holy Spirit in him, which the thought of simply left me in awe. One year later it was my turn, and I guess you could say I was excited but I didn't really get it. For a number of reasons, I guess I just wasn't at the spiritual maturity level to receive the Holy Spirit. BUT long story short, I left mass feeling the same why I walked in: hungry.

But then I read the twenty four words above, and my life got flipped upside down. My revelation went a little like this:

"Alright, so God made me, that's pretty cool, I guess. WAIT WAIT WAIT, GOD made ME. like he actually took the time to create me. He spent time forming the deepest, darkest, ugliest parts of me. HE MADE THE WHOLE FREAKING WORLD AND HE STILL FELT THE NEED TO MAKE ME?!? WHY WOULD HE SPEND ALL THIS TIME CREATING ME IF HE DIDNT THINK I WAS WORTH SOMETHING? HE LITERALLY MADE ME BECAUSE HE BELIVIES IN ME.  AND I DOUBT HIS PLANS FOR ME? LIKE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING MARY CATHERINE?!"

and just like that, I wasn't hungry anymore. Accepting the fact that God made me perfectly for a ultimate purpose (glorifying him) brought me peace and freed my heart from worrying about insecurities. With the new room in my heart, I was able to create a home for God. Sure, I have neglected him, and kicked him out of my heart a few times since. I definitely don't have a perfect faith but I think everyone struggles with maintaining an active relationship with God, especially when there are so many unknowns in the future. But at the end of the day, the times when I let the Lord overtake my life and worries, Im a lot happier, and that beautiful fact gives me faith.

SOOOO....
if you're feeling insecure and you don't know what for, just remember you're turning heads when you walk through the door.
sorry couldn't help but bring a little one direction up in here.
But you are, in fact, turning heads, every time you walk through the doors. YOU, lovely person, are constantly turning God's head. For he made you wonderfully, and he believes in the purpose that is you. You may not know what that purpose is yet, and you may not be crazy happy with everything about yourself but that's okay. God created YOU, your strengths and weaknesses, and knowingly put you on this Earth. He made you to be beautiful and strong and absolutely perfect for the purpose you are intended to fill. You may not have it all figured out, but that's okay. Trust the Lord, he has got your back. You are his wonderful work, and nothing or nobody is better at being you.

Remember the Lord took a week to create everything around us, but He took 9 whole freaking months to make you. Just let that sink in.

Hit me up if you ever need a pep talk or just need to talk, and know that you're always in my prayers.

"And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and  every kind of perception, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God." - Philippians 1: 9-11