Love in an Age of Loneliness

     A while back, I realized/decided that the dogmas and doctrines and traditions professed by the Catholic Church indeed held the fullness of truth they’ve claimed to have for the past two thousand years, and, imbued with what could be nothing less than the grace of God, I took a leap of faith into the metaphorical darkness beyond the light of reason*. Fast forward to now, where all the evidence would say, would scream, that this was the stupidest decision I ever could have made (although it’s not like there were, other, equally valid choices), because on top of all the confusion and uncertainty and hormones of the life of an 18 year old, I don’t think I have ever been more lonely. 

I am lonely.

     Which isn’t to say that I’m alone, because I’m not. I think I’m just beginning to appreciate the irreplaceable value of true, authentic friendship; over the last six months I’ve had the thrilling experience of forging friendships that will stand the test of time, for no other reason than they find root in Christ, the everlasting man himself. I know I am not alone because faith by its very nature is plural; I can only say “I believe” at Mass because I am part of a we; and because I am part of this Body, I can never be alone. We are one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. And yet...

I am lonely. 

     And this isn’t to accuse and slander a situation that comes as a natural part in the cycle of having faith. As many of our greatest saints have shown us, spiritual desolation is a part, sometimes seemingly, in Blessed Mother Theresa’s case, the only part, of our journey towards God. As C. S. Lewis points out, these are the fires that forge us into Satan’s most fearsome opponents. “Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.” Yet I do not feel as though God has abandoned me, so my loneliness must stem from some other source.

I am lonely.

     It’s because I have faith that I am lonely, because to have faith means to believe, it means that I “substituted ‘credo’ for ‘cogito’ in the time honored Cartesian maxim (cogito ergo sum/I think therefore I am).” I believe therefore I am. It isn’t the act of thinking alone anymore that can satiate the proof of my existence, it is only through belief that I can continue to exist. I think the converse makes what I am trying to say more clear; without belief I would cease to exist. I am, in a very literal sense, a man of faith. And as a man of faith,

I am lonely

      A man whose faith defines his very being “looks upon himself as a stranger in modern society which is technically minded, self-centered, and self-loving, almost in a sickly narcissistic fashion, scoring honor upon honor, piling up victory upon victory, reaching for the distant galaxies, and seeing in the here-and-now sensible world the only manifestation of being.” I am lonely because suddenly it seems as though I can find no home in the communities that I live in and am a part of. My faith presents to me a complete history of the universe and a comprehensive portrait of the human person, the work he produces, the relationships he builds, and yet in academia I am banished, forbidden from offering my claims as a valid form of systematic knowledge. It places upon my shoulders a beautifully intricate and threefold mission of worship, service, and evangelization, and yet on the square I am chained to rigid ideologies that reduce complexity of my beliefs to labels that long ago lost any semblance of substantive meaning. The lenses it provides show me an enchanted world where the beauty of the divine becomes visibly tangible in all things and yet the scope of my questions is circumscribed to one much narrower than my Catholic range of wonder. 

     It would be so easy, given the situation, to climb to the top of my ivory pillar and join the ranks of the many others who proclaim to the uncaring masses that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. As if that would do anything to cure the loneliness, because it won’t. And here I’ve gotten to the point where I admit that there is most likely no cure. Because if faith causes loneliness and to relinquish my faith is nothing short of suicidal, then indeed there is no escaping it. So the question then becomes do I have the character and the stamina to continue like this for the rest of my life?

I certainly hope so, and I plan to hold on to that hope with all I have. 

     In becoming a man of faith, I changed. I became acutely aware of my own loneliness, but at the same time, I became, I had to become, in the words of Pope Francis “radically open to a love that precedes [me], a love that transforms [me] from within, acting in [me] and through [me]." God is many things, He is beauty and truth, goodness and reason, and perhaps above all (in an all encompassing way, I think) God is love. 

     “Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair,” and once one accepts Catholicism, they have no choice but to fall in love, because that is the very core of Catholicism. It's the centrality of what God has revealed to from the beginning of humanity to the point that he sent his only son so that we might not perish but have eternal life. That was John 3:16, arguably the most important verse of the entire Bible, for reasons that are enormous enough to turn my loathsome weight existential angst into nought but a single hair on the back of a lion. 

     This verse can be said in another way, in a quote from St. Athanasius: "The Son of God became man so that we might become God" (or like God, to avoid sounding heretical, but that's unimportant). So what does that mean? First one must acknowledge that humanity is wracked by sin and in desperate need of saving, which, given the readership of this blog, I don’t think I need to convince you of. We need saving, and that has happened through Christ becoming man and dying on the cross, and it is this “option” that God used that makes His love so perfect. God is all powerful, omnipotent, and He could have very easily just willed humanity to be saved. 

     But He didn’t, the fortunate fall, the necessary sin of Adam, merited not a single willing from God, but a glorious Redeemer, and this is why the implications of John 3:16 are so, in a word, awesome.

     “If God, the great ‘I AM’; he who is love, reason, beauty, Truth, and goodness himself, became human, then what it means to be human has been transformed forever. God has entered into what it means to be human, and thus transfigures humanity itself into divinity; his radical action effects a radical transfiguration that can have no parallel.

     If God suffered, then it means that suffering is not meaningless. If God himself died, then he transforms what death is. Christ's passion means that love itself has entered into the innermost sphere of our humanity, and that thus when we suffer, when we cry, when we are victimized, and when we are alone, it is not in vain; God is with us in the depth and profundity of our suffering and in the senselessness of death, and by entering into the innermost sphere of our human condition transfigures the human experience into something divine.

     Christ's death expresses nothing less than the following sentiment: ‘I am with you, I am here for you, and I love you.’ There could have been no better way for God to express his love to us than entering into solidarity with the great miseries of the human condition and thus rendering our lives, even at their most senseless moments, intelligible and meaningful. God could have saved us another way, but by saving us in the way he did demonstrated the totality of his love and revealed to us his very nature.”

Love; it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment to cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

     Perhaps I am lonely, but who the hell cares because I’m at the receiving end of the greatest force in the all of existence itself! God loves me so what does anything else matter! Rejoice and be glad, sing all ye choirs of angels and go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere because today, a greater Christmas present than you could even think of has been delivered to the world! I can’t think of any other way to express how happy I am right now other than singing every single song I know at once, so instead, I’ll just wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Now why don’t we go change the world.

P.S. I didn’t write the stuff in quotes

*The interplay between faith and reason is one that I don't fell fully qualified to talk about. I think the simultaneous ability to know God through reason and to never be able to understand Him is one of the great paradoxes of Catholicism, so I just want to establish the delicacy and strangeness of this situation.

Christmas: A Call to Action

There is a clear and constant theme that has been touched on through the Mass readings leading up to Christmas. I think the Church, guided by the Holy Spirit, is reminding us to stay awake, because something big is about to happen... cough, cough, Jesus is coming, not just in Christmas as the baby who will grow up to save the entire human race, but also as a king on a white horse who will come again to see that this evil world is destroyed and the faithful adopted into the kingdom of God. 

We see in scripture, not only are we asked to stay awake, but also to be prepared for the coming of The Lord. The first that comes to mind is the Parable of the Ten Virgins from Matthew 25. Ten virgins, preparing for a wedding, fall asleep as the bridegroom is delayed. At midnight, the bridegroom arrives and the ten virgins awake, but only five have enough oil for their lamps, and the other five have to run and buy some more. The five with enough oil go into the wedding and are welcomed by the bridegroom and the door is shut to the marriage feast. Then straight from Matthew,

"Afterward the other maidens came also, saying, 'Lord, lord, open to us.'

But he replied, 'Truly, I say to you, I do not know you.'

Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour." 

Then in Matthew 26, Jesus asks his disciples to stay awake as he prays in the Garden of Gethsemane; this is that very emotional and powerful moment where we see Jesus sweat blood, the pressure of death taking it's physical toll. Jesus says to his disciples, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me." 

We all know how it ends; they fall asleep. 

"And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping; and he said to Peter, "So, could you not watch with me one hour?Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Matthew 26:40

Therefore, as Christmas approaches and we prepare for the coming of The Lord, then and now, we are reminded further to keep watch.

The first reading acts as a warning of what is to come. In these verses from Malachi, the Lord tells us that He is sending a messenger to prepare the way for His coming. Here Malachi is prophesying of John the Baptist, but he may also be referring to the second coming. We are warned by Malachi that when the Lord comes, it won't be with rainbows and buckets of Love. No, he says it will be a great and terrible day, where only the strong will endure the fires of purification that The Lord will bring to cleanse us for the kingdom. Sounds fun, right? I'm no expert, but I would say that two things happen to things placed under a really hot fire: they are either strengthened and refined, or they melt and burn into ash. 

"But who will endure the day of his coming? And who can stand when he appears?" Malachi 3:2

Is it clear enough yet? Maybe not, here's more scripture...

Now look at what God shows us in today's Gospel of Luke. Zechariah and Elizabeth are having a baby, which never should of happened because Elizabeth was way past due for a child, but it did, and when it comes time to name the child, there's a big problem: Elizabeth wants to name the child John, but "they", whoever they are, stop her because none of her relatives have had that name. Instead of arguing with Elizabeth, they make signs to ask Zechariah, who astonishingly agrees that the child should be named John, although he has had now communication with his wife since the conception of his child because he did not believe what the angel Gabriel had told him. At this moment, where he announces the name of the child, his voice is restored and he immediately praises The Lord. 

I think we can relate to Zechariah and the "they" in this passage. We have a hard time understanding the Lord's plan for our lives, and when forced to look straight at it in the face, we can be overcome with fear and disbelief that any faith or courage we had before is squandered, and we are rendered immobile. In my own life, with college decisions staring me in the face, following God's will for me is something I struggle with a great deal of confusion and fear. I've know for some time that He is calling me to the priesthood, but what does that mean now that I have to act on that calling? How will my life change? What must I sacrifice? 

Surely Zechariah was asking similar questions as the birth of his child was fast approaching. And what about the "they"? All they are trying to do is circumspect the kid and name him, but they have no clue that The Lord has deemed this child for greatness. And so when they finally understand, scripture tells us,

"Then fear came upon all their neighbors,
and all these matters were discussed
throughout the hill country of Judea.
All who heard these things took them to heart, saying,
“What, then, will this child be?
For surely the hand of the Lord was with him.”"

Luke 1:65

What does this mean for Christians as we prepare for the birth of Christ, and his second coming?

Several things...

1. While contemplating the first coming of Christ, we are reminded constantly to be prepared for the day He will come again, and stay awake! No one but the Father knows when He is coming again. So as we look in our lives and at the future ahead of us, we have to always keep in mind the ultimate end: Heaven. If we're lucky, the second coming will happen while we're still here and we will get to skip the whole death part, but no matter what, we have to be purified before ever stepping foot into the kingdom. By staying awake and preparing for that day we are strengthening ourselves for the final cleanse. So, make it as easy as possible for yourself to get clean. 

2. We are reminded that our future is unknown except to the Father. So in our own lives, as we look to the future, we have to listen to the Father to know where the next step is, or we'll fall. The future is like a staircase in the dark, and each step is a different height. In this same way, we can't be afraid to take the next step. If we believe that God guides our path, then we must trust Him and persevere, always keeping in mind where we are headed. 

3. Finally, The Lord erasures us that He is leading us to a future better than we can ever imagine. Just as the "they" were clueless as to what the Father wanted to call his son until the asked him, and when they did they were blown away by his answer. They never could have expected it. In this same way, we must constantly turn to the Father with open hearts and minds, not allowing our logic and reasoning to blind us from the will of the Father, even when it seems unknowable, incomprehensible, or just totally insane. 

With total surrender to the will of the Father, we will no longer be unhappy, anxious, discouraged, disappointed, or unfulfilled, because everything he does for us, he does so to give us the best possible future, a life eternal with Him in heaven. 

Christmas is two days away. Until then, I will be praying for my eyes to be opened to the Lord's will for me, for my heart to softened and opened to whatever He calls me to, and for my soul to be strengthened in preparation for His coming. I'll be praying the same for all of you. 

Christmas, undoubtedly is a call to us for action, for mobility. Look into your life and try to see where the Spirit is moving, and what form of action He is calling you to take. Perhaps it is an increase in your devotion to Mary, or maybe it is a call back to confession, to his mercy and love. Whatever it is, know that the result of that action will be good and full of happiness, just as the first Christmas was for Mary and Joseph, both called to accept an unknowable future with the promise that it will bring light to the world... That promise was fulfilled in a way they could have never expected. Can we take this same leap of faith?

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” 

Jer. 29:11

Well if you made it all the way down to here, I thank you immensely for hearing what the Spirit has spoken through me today.

Merry Christmas Y'all!

Alex

The Next Step

To my Pines brothers and sisters,

Wow. What a weekend...right?

We were reunited and things just picked up where they left off. (That's the sign of true friendship... it's like we never left.)

We shared in the Body and Blood of our Lord, Emmanuel, and we praised Him together and fell on our knees together. How beautiful of a bond that we share; we've been brothers and sisters longer than you may realize, brought together by a single desire for an experience, an encounter with the One we love. 

Over the last six months, we've craved and thirsted together, and watched each other struggle and search and satisfy our cravings with other things besides God, and we did the same in our own lives. As this weekend approached we prepared to be strengthened again, refreshed in our training, and replenished at the table of The Lord. 

Being back together, we realized that much of our strength comes from God through our brothers and sisters. We need each other; we don't have to walk alone any longer. 

Now it's time to go home, back to our other friends, back to people who did not share in our experience, back to our homework, and practice, and routine. In a worldy reality, we all go back to normal, revert back to our comfort zone, let this weekend become a memory, and the encounter we had just a story...

No. Not again, not ever again. We are worth more than that. We have seen the inside of the honey comb, we took the red pill, and we have seen a reality contrary to everything we thought we knew. In this reality, the weak are strong and the poor are happy, and there is a happy ending! Hold on to it. Don't let go.

“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings which are able to instruct you for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 3:14

We are in this together, so together let's hold on to this experience, and every encounter preceding it, and together let's live our lives recklessly devoted to our God, the source of our happiness, the One who brought us together. 

I believe in God.

I believe He created us.

I believe that He alone can satisfy our earthly yearnings.

I believe in us, because we have Him.

Brothers and Sisters, as we take this next step, we take it together, all the way to heaven. 

“I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may promote the knowledge of all the good that is ours in Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother[s and sisters], because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.” Philemon 1:4-7

All of you have given me so much joy. Thank you.

Alex, "Galilee" 

We, the Miserable

Let me just start off by apologizing for a depressing post at Christmas time, but I do think this fitting somehow. I have been reading the unabridged version of Victor Hugo's Les Miserables (which I cannot recommend enough) and reflecting on the themes he deals with that are present in my life, as well as the rest of the world. Also I just watched The Hunger Games: Catching Fire and that might have had something to do with this post as well.
I won't go into detail about what's going on in my life right now (you might be reading for hours) but suffice it to say that it is not hard for anyone to reflect upon their lives and find some amount of miserableness in it. The amazing thing that I am realizing is, you can go deeper. If you look further into your life or the lives of those around you, you will probably be able to pick out chains of misery that have passed down from generation to generation. You can find the wretchedness in everyone's life. Seeing this led me to another reflection.
Human beings are constantly crying out for God. This is not a choice; we are built for it. You are a human being, therefore, you ache for the love of God. There is no choice, and even if you think you aren't, I assure you, any passion that you may have, anything in your life that you try to fill the hole in your heart with, is indirectly a call out to God. We are all miserable, mainly because we know perfection exists, and we cannot obtain it in this world, no matter how hard we try. We may get close, but ultimate perfection is only found in heaven, in the presence of our Lord.
So, the solution I have found for dealing with misery in the world, and the reason I find this post appropriate to the Christmas season, is that we should love others. It seems pretty straightforward, even though it is easier said than done. This is, after all, the thing that Jesus stressed the most in his life and ministry. But how to go about it? Pray for others; give unexpected acts of kindness toward those you don't favor; and separate yourself from any negative feelings. Even if you find that there is no capacity for love, you can still fight complete misery by denouncing feelings of hate or envy that arise in you. You may not be able to help those feelings, but you can separate yourself from them, saying "I will not identify myself with these negative feelings," and even then you are taking a small step in the right direction. Snuffing out the vices in your life will give room for the virtues to grow.

I wish patience, love, and kindness towards all you, brothers and sisters, in this Advent/Christmas season, and for the rest of your lives.

Fa La La

It's almost Christmas! False.

It's almost Advent. It's almost time to begin preparing for the celebration of the birth of our Lord! I've been getting into the spirit of Christmas lately by listening to the Pandora Christmas station, and desperately avoiding every time Justin Bieber's Christmas album comes on. 

However, I cant run forever, and finally , this afternoon I ran out of skips. 

Consequently, I landed on the Beib's holiday hit, "Fa La La". 

The song highlights everything that Christmas is NOT all about.

So here's my list of how not to celebrate this Christmas, courtesy of JB.

1. Christmas is about getting.

Evidence: "One through ten on your list you can get it, get it, get it, get it now"

Christmas isn't about getting! It's about giving! So give it, give it, give it all! How?

Give charity! Organize a soup kitchen trip with your friends or adopt an underprivileged child to help feed and give Christmas gifts to!

Give hope! Spread the good news! Open yourself up to sharing the true meaning of Christmas. (*Cough cough, it's Jesus)

Give love! Make a deal with yourself to tell the people you love why you love them, one person each day! Or three or four!

2. Happy Christmas to Me!

Evidence: "Baby you deserve everything you want, It's your night, ohhh"

News flash! Unless you were born on December 25, this ain't yo birthday! And honestly who's to say we deserve anything, when the greatest gift of all has already been given to us! Even if Christmas is your birthday, (happy birthday) we have to recognize that our Christmas gift is Christmas itself! (*cough cough, Jesus)

3. Wait, what the...?

Evidence: "I'll deck your heart with bells of holly. Fa la la, etc. 

Baby cuz you're the reason to be jolly. Fa la la, etc."

I'm not going to discuss the strange implications if the first lines of the evidence, this blog would get awkward real fast. 

Look... Baby... Whoever you are... I'm sure you're a nice gal, but you are not the reason to be jolly. (*cough cough, Jesus)

Joy, happiness, jolliness, you name it, it comes from knowing one person and knowing what He came here for.

*cough cough, Jesus

It comes from believing that Jesus was born to die and rise again, out of His immeasurable and uncontainable love for us, and that our lives have purpose and meaning because of His birth.

It comes from striving to imitate the same faith that Mary had knowing she would bear the King and Lord of all in her womb, certain that He alone would save us. 

It comes from understanding, like Joesph, that God's great plan is beyond our understanding and comprehension, and His love is more powerful than we will ever be able to grasp as mere humans, but that we can still try, even in our weakness and doubt, to live devoted to serving Jesus humbly and faithfully. 

It comes from recognizing that celebrating Christmas means celebrating the day God stepped onto this Earth in human flesh, as weak as an infant, then went on to heal sinners and lepers, create His church, and win for us life eternal. 

I hope you all have a wonderful week, and stay faithful my friends! 

God Bless,

Alex

Invincible

I'm a sinner, and I am broken. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. Admit that right there. I know for me, a mix of pride, shame, and insecurity often prevent me from doing just that. And before I confuse you too much more, lemme explain.

I have grown up in the perfect life. I have an older brother, two loving parents, a dog, and straight a's. I have had multiple people tell me my life is like a movie. I'm not sure what happened, but freshman year my life didn't seem good enough anymore. I was constantly trying to impress everyone I met. Maybe it came from the fact that I have always considered myself overlooked, with nothing to make me special, or beautiful, or anything but 100% ordinary. But since freshman, I have tried to make myself stand out, only to be one uped every time. I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but all of them seem to be so much smarter, or prettier, or well liked. I constantly compared myself to them. By the time my junior year hit, I had put so much pressure on myself, I started losing control of it. Normally bubbly and happy, I began to fear school and seeing my friends. I, without realizing it, distanced myself from my friends. I was always stressing about one thing or another and it began to effect every aspect of my life. Around February, I began to realize nobody wanted to be my friend anymore. Have you ever tried high school without friends? I don't suggest it. I cried every night begging for someone to reach out. I didn't understand what I had done to lose all my friends. They talked to me at school? I became a master of "faking it" and making it seem I had it all together when I was falling apart. I honestly wouldn't have made it through without my boyfriend, who confronted my friends behind my back. Of course, my true friends had no intention of hurting me and felt horrible once they knew the pain I was going through. Because of this, I  began to feel so insecure about my personality, I hid it, balled it up inside of me and through it to the side. Before long, I began to feel a pit in my stomach, especially around new or intimidating people. The pit didn't go away, though. It stayed there no matter how sick it made me or how much weight it made me lose. I had this pit in my stomach for 5 months straight, only getting worse with each time I woke up.

Now, throughout this trial in my life, I refused help. I mean, my boyfriend had to go behind my back to get me help!!! I didn't want to inconvenience anyone and I thought I was strong enough to pull myself out of it. Worst part is, I neglected God. My hard-headed self thought I was strong enough to face my human life with out God, while part of me felt too embarrassed to ask God for help when my life was so great. My anxiety continued until about halfway through of my first week as summer camp at The Pines Catholic Camp. My friends from camp will never truly understand how much they mean to me. They saved me from a dark place and even though I don't keep up with them as much as I used too, when I think about them and their beautiful, genuine souls and how they encourage me to be myself and go to God for help, I am at peace for I know the Lord had given me more than I deserve. I woke up on that Tuesday morning, holding back tears because for the first time in forever, I was happy. I was relaxed and I was myself.

Crazy how I spent all that time searching, and the answer was literally right beside me, begging me to ask Him for help. I cant explain the joy that overflowed my life, and how nice it felt to smile again. I didn't want to admit I was broken, but once I did, I was fixed. Beautiful, right?

Now  a few months later, I don't even recognize the girl I was six months ago. I have let myself enjoy this year and I have never been more happy. Though I still have many challenges, I pray. I beg the Lord for help. I cry "I am broken and I am a sinner" and with patience, I know he will fill my breaks with love and peace and he will heal my pain in time.

If you ever struggle, ask for help. The Lord made us to be vulnerable to one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. We are made vulnerable so the Lord can make us invincible.

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 9:38-39

Much Love and God Bless,

MC Halphen

(thanks for reading all the way though, ive never blogged before and idk if I did this right but you rock because you stuck with it!)

Thoughts on Love

Taken directly from Cathryn's journal (you're all in for a treat):

"Humans need to be loved.
We can exist physically without it, but to be able to continue our existence in a life that would otherwise be meaningless, we need to know that we are something precious to someone else, whether they be our parents, spouse, friend, cat, etc. We feel the need for someone else to actualize our value as a human being.
For those of us who know we are loved, and more importantly, that we are loved by God, this may seem obvious, or taken for granted. A baby feels its mother's love when she hold him in her arms. (Now the baby may be so comfy that he happens to fall asleep. Just as Christians, when they feel they are in the Father's loving embrace, may drift off because they are so content. Then we wonder why we do not emotionally feel the Father's love for us - it is because we are sleeping. You cannot feel another's love in reality when you are dreaming.) But say the babe is awoken by a crying child, who feels forsaken and forgotten because the parent stepped out of the room for a minute. If we give this babe the cognitive abilities of an adult (humor me) it would feel sorry for the abandoned child, and realize yet again how amazing it is to be in its mother's safe embrace. Were the babe a good Christian, it would see there is room enough in its mother's arms to accept this lonely child, and may try in some way to help the poor creature come to its mother, for she would surely accept another, and show it what true love and compassion are.

I'm sure there are many more scenarios that would explain the same situation, but my point is, to make it clear: we should love those around us, and make the best effort to show them compassion, in order to bring them to the one who is perfect and will fulfill all their needs. Even if this means looking past the tears and the red face with a gaping mouth to see the anguish they are in. (The expression just mentioned obviously shows pain, yet there can be different ways of expressing the anguish of a soul - this is what I mean.)

Love at all costs."

I'm sorry if this seems like an undeveloped thought or a really rough draft, because it is. I wrote this one night after watching a video of Miley Cyrus break down in tears while singing "Wrecking Ball" and I just felt awful, for her and for the fact that I judged her harshly without knowing what's going on in her life right now. It made me realize that as Christians, we should have compassion for everyone, no matter what they're doing or how they look.

Dependency

I'm the type of person who loves to keep a prayer journal. Yet today was the first time I set aside the time to authentically talk to God through my journal in 6 days. 6 days! I sat there and realized the impact it had had on my week by not setting aside some of my time to have that much needed one-on-one conversation with God. A year ago or so, this might realization may not have been so shocking to me, but in the past year, as I've challenged myself further in my faith, I'm realizing more and more my dependency on God. Not setting aside time to talk to Him directly (besides mass & Bible study), affected me so much, I felt like I hadn't talked to Him in a century.

As I reflect on the past week, I'm realizing how differently a lot of situations could have gone had I taken it to God. There were two separate accounts in the past week where I witnessed people I love more than anything making decisions that hurt them. I became upset at myself, beating myself up for not doing more to keep them away from these decisions. But I didn't even take enough time to go back and offer them up in prayer, the greatest thing you can do for anyone. I was more concerned with how I could help them on my own, than how I know God can handle it.

We honestly can't do anything without God's grace. But we have to remember that with it, there's nothing we can't do. My favorite verse is Isaiah 41:13, which says, "For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.'" If that wasn't enough for me to hear tonight, right after I read that verse, the song Let The Waters Rise by Mikeschair sang, "You were faithful before, You'll be faithful again, I'm holding Your hand." He's holding our hand, but we have to remember to reach out and hold it back, letting ourselves rely on Him. He is always faithful, and we will never have to face any storm alone because He is with us. We all have highs and lows in our prayer lives, but I challenge y'all and am praying for y'all as you work on creating a greater dependency on Christ, and please pray for me to continue to be more diligent in mine as well!

In His Name,

Ali 

alimartinez11@gmail.com

Let Go

You're in a river, and it's flowing quickly. You're clinging to a small box which contains everything about you: the sports you play, the tv shows you watch, what you like to do on your weekends, your fears... 

As you float down the river, the water begins to float faster, and you see rocks flying past you, and you know it's just a matter of time before you hit one, and you're scared, but you think you may be able to grab onto a big rock down the river. 

So you tuck your left arm around your box and with your right arm you grab a hold of the rock, and you feel the current of the river tugging at your body. The rock is big enough to climb on, but you will need two hands to pull yourself up. 

You have a choice to make. 

Let go of the rock. Cling to your box, and everything that makes you, you. Float down the river, unsure of your destination, uncertain that you will make it to safety. There is always the chance that you will still lose your box, or parts of it, but you can't knowingly let go of who you are.

Choice Two:

Let go of the box, and cling to the rock. Get out of the current, sit upon the rock, and let the water flow between your toes knowing that you can't be swept away. Be certain that you are safe and sound. Don't worry about your box, when you get off the river, it won't seem that important anymore, I promise. 

God is calling us everyday to greatness, to a higher calling, and He is asking us to follow Him, but you have to be willing to let go of everything that you thought defined you, everything you want, and everything you think you need. 

Brothers and sisters, you are not a dead body floating down a meaningless river! Cling to the rock, (Hint: Rock = Church) and thank God that He has given us way to escape the torrent! 

If you're a metaphor freak like I am, you may be thinking, "Ok Alex, we get the idea, but what happens after I get on the rock? Do I just sit there?"

My guess is yes, but you're not just sitting there, you're waiting for someone to pick you up and save you, and I think you know who that is...

Make the choice today, cling to the rock!

God Bless,

Alex

Happiness Now

This past Friday, I had a girls' night with two of my best girl friends, and we went to see The Spectacular Now-a typical love story between a guy who doesn't really have much going for him and a girl that changes him. And we were totally prepared for that movie, with a blanket, box of tissues, our popcorn and soda. What I wasn't prepared for, was the lesson and reminder that would come from what I thought would be just another tear-filled chick flick.

As the title suggests, the main character, Sutter, enjoys every minute of the "spectacular now." He does everything to make him happy at that current moment in time, drinking, partying, not caring about having a real future or growing up. By the end of the movie (I promise I won't spoil it), he learns that yes, it's important to live in the now, but that there are going to be many more "nows" each and every day, that he doesn't intend on wasting. As soon as I heard that in the movie, one of my favorite Mother Teresa quotes came to mind.

"Be happy in the moment, that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more."

We can't do anything about tomorrow yet, it's not here. What we have, what God has blessed us with, is the circumstance we are in right now. In every instance, we have to make the conscious decision to make the most of it to bring glory to God. Brothers and sisters, I encourage each of you, at whatever place you're at in your life, to choose happiness. To thank Him for your suffering or for your joys. And to know that He is a loving God who laid down his life so that you might be where you are at this very moment. 

Sometimes we fall, and take for granted the moment we've been given. But don't let that stop you, because God has blessed you with another now, and another, and another after that. Trust that He will consistently give you the opportunities to start new, and to love more. Be happy (: 

Praying for you as you make the most of every now,

Ali 

Happy Customer

It's Sunday morning, and ideally I would be sleeping right now, but clearly that's not going to happen, so I'm writing the blog I've was thinking about all day Saturday. Here goes nothing...

I really like my school cafeteria food; it's the bomb. Most of the kids at my school hate it, but I look forward to lunch everyday because I get to eat awesome food which is lawfully required to be nutritious. What a deal! 

Lately I've been noticing that when I got to pay for my food, I thank the lady working the cash register. I guess that's not too strange, but for a while everytime I thanked her, in the back of my mind, I was thinking, "Why am I thanking her? I'm the one paying for this food, she should be thanking me! I'm the customer, she is the producer, that's just how it works." 

It wasn't until yesterday that I finally figured it out... In a similar situation, I went into the confessional yesterday with sins to lay down, and also the shame and embarrassment which we have all felt when we find ourselves in desperate need of God's healing mercy again. Interestingly enough, at the end of my confession, after painfully opening myself up to God, through the priest, and allowing God to flood in and fix the damage done by sin and selfishness, I did not sit there, waiting for God to thank me for coming back; no, instead I sat there, thanked the priest, and then silently let praise and thanks flow off of my heart. 

When we go to confession, we are not customers, purchasing the release of our sins, the cost being our shame and humiliation. Actually, it's not a purchase, it's more of a gift. Someone has already paid for it. Jesus traded His life for my healing, my redemption, my eternity. All that's left to do is redeem the graces won for us on the cross. 

I like analogies, especially when they have to do with food, because I don't have to do a whole lot of explaining. I can plant the seed of a thought, and then you can let it grow in your own heart, and you can ponder what it means in your own life, and allow that idea to change who you are, even if it's just for a day. That said, I feel like I've written almost everything the Spirit wants me to write, and I'm going to pray that when you read this, you recieve something, anything, that shows God's immeasurable Love for you, because it real, and it's for sinners, so it's made just for me and you. ;)

"Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus."

2 Timothy 2:3

God Bless,

Alex

Don't be a Raisin!

Today was very good. I like Sundays for a couple of reasons, the first being that it's the start to a new week, but not only that, it can be the restart of an entire life. What I mean is, no matter what happened the week before, or even the night before, you can go to Confession and receive Jesus in Communion, and then that's it! You're brand spankin' new. Clean and pretty! Sparkling and shiny! 

Isn't it wonderful? This faith that we have? There is a fountain gushing with mercy and grace, flowing from the altar, and if you're not jumping into it, and letting the waters wash you clean then you're going find yourself all dried up like a spiritually metaphoric raisin! Don't be a raisin! Soak up the water of life! Feed yourself with the Body and Blood of our Lord! 

Feeling sad? Go to the table!

Depressed? Go to the table!

Lonely? Forgotten? Sinful? Shameful? Embarrassed? Doubtful? Confused? Lost? Go To The Table!!! 

God is eager to show you what He can do, if only you accept it! 

Today, I made a impossible challenge for myself, even though I know that failure and hardship is certain.

I prayed that I can be better. 

That I can be more faithful.

That I can be nicer and love more.

That I can be more diligent. 

That I can invest more in God, and more in the people I love.

That I can not doubt the security of the investment I have made, but instead find hope in the power of Love.

That I can be better. 

I know I can't. On my own, that is.

But with God, through God, and in God, I will find strength, and courage to move on and persevere in this world. 

Brothers and Sisters, I know what you want is peace. I know you feel restless and weary, worn out from school and people, broken by sin, and uneasy with doubt and confusion. But hear now from today's second reading, 

"The saying is sure and worthy of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. And I am the foremost of sinners; but I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience for an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.

To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."

1 Timothy 1:15-17

Well that about sums it up! Tomorrow, let's go out and fight the good fight! Be light! Be Love! Be Hope! Be Faith! Be Joy! Christ has rose from the dead! We will follow Him, and rise too! Love awaits us, brothers and sisters! 

Sleep well.

Alex.

Anger in Politics

So yesterday, my boyfriend texts me and tells me Wendy Davis has decided to run for governor of Texas. My reaction: well that's just peachy. I knew she was going to after pulling that little filibuster over the summer.

I really, really do not like this woman. That is because she claims to stand for "Texas women" (me) and yet she was opposing a law that would make it safer for women to have abortions in Texas (although it would also conveniently cause the closure of all but five abortion clinics in Texas). Anyway, now is not the time for a rant about what happened then. This is about what is happening now.

As I said before, I really do not like her. In fact, she frustrates and angers me so much that after I received this news from my boyfriend I couldn't focus on biology homework. So, being at Franciscan University, where there is a chapel in every dorm, I decided to go spend some time with Jesus, to help me calm down.

When I pray, I like to journal my thoughts. It's almost like writing a letter to Jesus. So, sitting there in the chapel, I start to tell Jesus about my frustration, and ask him how I can overcome it (remember where Jesus tells us to "love our enemy"? Yeah, that was in the gospel that day at mass.) So I'm sitting there thinking and praying and thinking...and then I start to think about Jesus and his relationship to the Pharisees.

When Jesus was here ministering to his people, he had some opposition from the Pharisees (you could even extend this to Pontius Pilate or even Caesar himself). At the time he was ministering, many of his disciples wanted to make him the physical "king" of the Jews. It doesn't talk much about this in the Gospels, but Jesus refuses, instead choosing to die on a cross.

By doing this, he actually does something WAY better for his people than he could have if he established a kingdom on earth. He serves his people's spiritual needs, because he knew that true happiness could only be found united with him in heaven. Which really is so much better, because if you think of any kingdom here on earth, each and every one has fallen in its own time. Things on earth are not permanent, but eternity is.

To go even further with this idea, I would argue that every kingdom (including the United States of America) has been ruled by the rich/upper class/elite. No matter how hard the poor have tried to have a say, they are always shot down by the rich and the educated. This is the way it has always been, and this is the way it should be, when you think about it. Jesus tells us to store our treasures in heaven, because that is where we will spend eternity. The rich have literally stored their treasure on earth, so they have a natural right to rule it.

So what then is left for the poor? To pick up our cross. Life on earth is not permanent. In fact, it is incredibly short compared to eternity. Jesus only asks us to suffer for a little while (just as he did) and then join him in paradise. He knows that the battle for the poor has already been lost on earth, but the best thing is, He has already won it for us in heaven.

So when you get caught up in politics, ranting about some crazy lady who only cares about glorifying herself, remember it is only a distraction. Remember that the battle is already over. Remember to pick up your cross, and follow in the Lord's footsteps.

"Therefore, putting away falsehood, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger, and do not leave room for the devil. The thief must no longer steal, but rather labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with one in need. No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear . . . And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ." -Ephesians 4:25-29, 32.

May the love of Christ be with you all.

Any disagreements/concerns: c.steele@hotmail.com

Word of the Day: Comfort

I like to be comfortable. It's the reason why, right now, I'm wearing bright orange sweat pants and a purple hoodie. It's also the reason I'll wear crocs and socks to school and still be able to justify my visible lack of fashion sense. Even though other people may object to my seemingly absurd choice of clothing, I'm comfortable, and sometimes my comfort is more important to me than what other people think, even God.

Often I find myself split between the option of being comfortable and the choice to follow God's will, because often God's will makes me very uncomfortable. For example, It's uncomfortable for me to pray before I eat my lunch at school. I know I use that example a lot, but it's a simple choice that we can make everyday, but we choose our comfort instead.

Here's the truth: 

"I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of my mouth."

Rev. 3:16

Brothers and Sisters, let's allow ourselves to put our comfort at the bottom of our priorities, because it makes us lukewarm! We need to truly believe what our papa in faith proclaimed,

"The world offers you comfort, but you were not made for comfort; you were made for greatness."

- Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

Boom.

Well, that's all I have to say about that. I'll let you chew on it for a while. Please let me know if you're having trouble digesting it. I know, it's a tough pill to swallow.

God Bless,

Alex

Burden

Like many people that first meet each other will introduce them self by saying "hello my name is..." and for me that sentence has been one of the scariest sentences I have ever had to say. I'm sure many of you when you read that thought "are you kidding me how is that a hard thing to do all you have to say is your name" and that is what scares me the most about it. Since the age of 10 I have had a slight stutter and over time it has slowly grew worse and worse. I am 18 now and I  can not say my own name about 75% of the time. If someone was to ask me my name I probably would not be able to say it. I can't tell you how stupid that makes me feel I mean really who can't say there own NAME! Over the years I slowly allowed myself to believe that I really was stupid and started to become more quiet due to the fact of my stutter. So instead of trying to be social and just have a good time with friends and accept my stutter I would just sit there and said nothing. I started to loose my friends because of this and many of them started to really pick on me and make fun of me because of my stutter. When people tried to talk to me (which wasn't often) I would think to myself "just don't say anything and then you won't stutter and look like a retard" but then after ignoring the person I would think to myself "WoW! you just made yourself look even more stupid because you didn't talk. Way to go Austin...!" I soon became very depressed and anti-social. I would hardly ever leave my room and had really lost sight in God. I really then moved on to just hating life. That was until I started going to the Catholic Church.

 Let me back up for a minute and give you some background information. My parents had a divorce when I was four. My mom was not catholic so after the divorce we went to a Baptist church. Further down the road my oldest sister was Baptized in the church and really started to enjoy the Baptist church. During this time I would spend many of my weekends over at a family friends house and I always seemed to be there Sunday and every Sunday they would go to mass this was the first step to me falling on love with the Catholic Church. By the time I started to really enjoy and understand more about the Catholic Church my mom remarried. The man she married was a very religious man he was Greek Orthodox and because of this my mom "converted" from Baptist to Greek Orthodox and our family was divided because of our different religions.  (Back to where I was)

My aunt played a major role in me becoming catholic she taught me a lot about the church and she made sure to take me to church every Sunday and because of this it really helped me with my depression and coping with my stuttering but I would not really start to cope with it until after a amazing summer camp that really helped me to see the good in it. At this camp I was a counselor in training(CIT) and the first week we learned what it takes to be a great counselor and then the second week we were put with a group of kids. One of my boys had a stuttering problem and i know God put him there for that reason. I was able to bond so well with him and really was able to understand what he was going through. I was able to see just how small of a problem my stuttering was compared to his and he embraced his stuttering. He said it set him apart for other people and he liked that he also got to miss some class to go work on his speech. He always had a positive attitude and was just happy with life. He really helped me to cope with my stuttering and really see some good in it by him just being himself. Also I had two amazing guys I meet while I was there and they really helped me with my stuttering and gave me another perspective about how it was my cross to carry. To show people that even thought I struggle with this I still can see the good in it and because of this burden I have grown closer in my faith as well. 

I know we all have struggles that we wish we did not have and things about us that we wish we could change, but these are things God has given us for a reason to help us grow stronger in our faith, and even though today you may still not know why you have this it will become clear one day. These are your crosses to carry don't pray for them to go away but pray for a stronger back to be able to carry your cross. 

God Bless,

Austin 

Word of the Day: Tomorrow

The great Christian author C.S. Lewis wrote a fantastic little book called The Screwtape Letters. The book consists of 40 or so letters from Screwtape, a high ranking demon in hell, to his nephew Wormwood, giving him advice for how lead a Christian to hell. His advice is to have him commit sin yes, but small sins. Sins that are easy to rationalize and forget about, but build up on the soul and create habits, like laziness and jealousy, that are incredibly un-Christian. In one letter, Screwtape tells Wormwood to keep his subject's attention focused on anything but the present.

Ideally, he tells him, fix his thoughts on the past. The past is the absolute worst place for our minds to dwell because there is absolutely nothing we can do about it (I'm only in high school, but I don't think time travel is possible). All we can do is accept it, but when we live in the past we are expending our energy into an abyss that will drain and give us nothing in return. Now, that's not to say the past should be forgotten, banished from our mind. The past is useful. We remember our mistakes from the past and apply so that we don't make them again. But when we do so, we aren't living in the past, we are bringing it into and applying it to the present. The same goes with happy memories. I went through the two greatest weeks of my life this summer, and I think back on them every day. But when I do, I don't abandon the present and relive them, I take what I learned and all the happiness I felt and use the memories to surmount whatever my next obstacle is. Well at least I try too.

Point 1: Yesterday is gone and isn't coming back (sorry Paul).

Screwtape continues - if you can't get them to dwell in the past, have them look ahead. If we live in the future, the present becomes the past and thus worthless (see point 1) when it really isn't. I don't know where I'm gonna be this time next year, but if I spend my time worrying about it, I effectively throw away a year of my life. We won't know what the future holds until it becomes the present, so hold your horses and be patient. But, Screwtape writes, the future is dangerous (for us demons). Because it isn't set in stone and we can affect it right now. Planning for the future is today's task because tomorrow, today will be yesterday, unchangeable. So get it done in the present where you can make it the way you want it to be now instead of hopelessly wishing it to be the way you want it later.

Point 2: Tomorrow starts right now.

I know you've probably heard variations of this a million times before and you're thinking, "Sheesh Matt, you sound like my Mom." Well I guess that's good because Mom and C.S. Lewis sure know what's up.

A Prayer:

Lord God,

I know that yesterday has come and gone, and tomorrow has not yet arrived. So now I pray for forgiveness for past mistakes, so that I may experience Your mercy in the present. Now I thank You for past victories, so that You may be glorified in the present. Now I pray for the humility to accept your plan for me, so that I may shape my future in the present. And now I offer up my tomorrow to You, so that You may work through me in the present.

Amen.

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

God bless,
Matt

Enough

Just for a little preface, a group of girl friends and I started a Bible study over the summer to grow in our faith and friendships (and I couldn't even begin to tell you all of the incredible ways God has blessed me through it). Anyway, just last night we started a new book we picked out for the semester, titled Perfectly Unique: Praising God From Head to Foot, by Annie Downs. Ladies, I've only read the introduction and I already know this book is going to transform the way I'm able to love myself as our Father loves me, so I highly recommend it!

However, my point this morning is not just for girls, it just happened to occur to me via this book. In the intro, Annie discusses a beautiful view of the way God forms each of us. She puts it this way, that God, our Creator, formed one mold for each of us. Once He made you, He got rid of that mold. Because He doesn't want two, or three, or a million of you. He just wants YOU! One of you, the one, perfect you, is enough for Him. He intended for you to be exactly as you are. This perspective just made me stop and think about how important it is to just be me because God has a purpose for me, and for you, that is unlike anyone else's. Even when the world tells us in so many ways that we aren't enough, we can rest assured that we are enough for Him. We are enough, capable of being His instruments for the world to see His glory.

So, if we as sinners are enough for Him, is He not infinitely times more than enough for us? 

If you get a second, please listen to Enough by Chris Tomlin, it's pretty spot on.

"I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; that I know very well." -Psalm 139:14

Rise & shine & give God the glory,

Ali 

Word of the Day: Sunrise

I know it's late for the word of the day, but tomorrow, I'm going to be given some anesthesia for a procedure, nothing crazy, but I will probably be a little loony, so let's just consider this post for today and tomorrow. 

While driving to school this morning, I was just marveling at how glorious the sunrise was. It was just incredibly beautiful, and my initial thought was, "why?" "How can such beautiful wonders exist in such an imperfect world?" Not only that, but, "How am I lucky enough to get to see it?"

It would make sense for me to receive such an amazing gift if I had gone out yesterday and fed the hungry and clothed the naked, but the truth is, I just went to school, did my homework (most of it), and went to sleep. Not only that, but I had my fair share of faults yesterday as well! So why would God allow me to witness the glory of such an awesome sunrise, when I still forget to pray sometimes or I ignore the chances to spread His love to other people? Well the answer was right in front of me.

Just as sun rises everyday regardless of whether I'm a saint yet or not, so did the Son rise while I was still a sinner! This isn't a perfect analogy, but the key part of this post is that God knows we struggle and He simply wants us to come to Him for help, and He will always love us. 

Please pray for me, it's been a while since I've received anesthesia, so I'm not sure what to expect as far as side effects.

I hope you all have a wonderful night, I'll be praying for you!

God Bless!

Alex

Word of the Day: Buttons

A few weeks ago, when I bought the polo shirt which I wore to school today, I somehow failed to notice one key characteristic of the shirt. The collar has no buttons:

Oops!

It's not like it was some big problem. I probably would have still bought the shirt, but I can't help but feel slightly insecure with the fact that I didn't notice the lack of buttons. 

Lucky for you guys, I never miss the opportunity to point out analogous situations. In this particular instance, I keep thinking about how active God is in our lives, but how easy it is to get distracted by the drama and stress of our daily agenda and miss His workings of grace and healing. Let's be real, it's hard to think about God when you are confused with a Calculus problem or when you are taking an Economics quiz, but God never stops thinking about you, and He is always working in your life. If He did, theoretically, you might just cease existing.***

So brothers and sisters, my advice for y'all (and myself) is keep your eyes peeled, look for God, and don't be surprised when you find out He is everywhere! And also, check for buttons next time you go shopping!

God Bless!

Alex

***Does not reflect the view of the Church, it's just my silly imagination.