You are Awesome

"You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works!" Psalm 139:13-14

That, my lovely Catholic amigos, is my favorite bible verse and has been since it was first shared with me almost 3 years ago. Why, you might ask? Well, at the time, I was 15, in the midst/tail end of the painfully awkward middle school/ freshman years. So many new thoughts, pressures, and experiences are thrown at you at this time of your life, and honestly the timing really stinks. As a young teen, I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be (and I'm sure I'm not the only one who went through this). I was the definition of awkward, just look at my 7th grade year book picture(YIKES). I let every comment anyone ever said define me, and I worked tirelessly to try to recreate myself to fit the eyes of my peers. I didn't hate myself, or even come close to it, but I did constantly find myself wishing to be smarter, or less socially awkward, or more talented, or prettier, or taller(still struggle with this one tbh).

In the meantime, I was going through the confirmation process. In 7th grade, I watched my older brother(and role model) get confirmed. He said he could feel the Holy Spirit in him, which the thought of simply left me in awe. One year later it was my turn, and I guess you could say I was excited but I didn't really get it. For a number of reasons, I guess I just wasn't at the spiritual maturity level to receive the Holy Spirit. BUT long story short, I left mass feeling the same why I walked in: hungry.

But then I read the twenty four words above, and my life got flipped upside down. My revelation went a little like this:

"Alright, so God made me, that's pretty cool, I guess. WAIT WAIT WAIT, GOD made ME. like he actually took the time to create me. He spent time forming the deepest, darkest, ugliest parts of me. HE MADE THE WHOLE FREAKING WORLD AND HE STILL FELT THE NEED TO MAKE ME?!? WHY WOULD HE SPEND ALL THIS TIME CREATING ME IF HE DIDNT THINK I WAS WORTH SOMETHING? HE LITERALLY MADE ME BECAUSE HE BELIVIES IN ME.  AND I DOUBT HIS PLANS FOR ME? LIKE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING MARY CATHERINE?!"

and just like that, I wasn't hungry anymore. Accepting the fact that God made me perfectly for a ultimate purpose (glorifying him) brought me peace and freed my heart from worrying about insecurities. With the new room in my heart, I was able to create a home for God. Sure, I have neglected him, and kicked him out of my heart a few times since. I definitely don't have a perfect faith but I think everyone struggles with maintaining an active relationship with God, especially when there are so many unknowns in the future. But at the end of the day, the times when I let the Lord overtake my life and worries, Im a lot happier, and that beautiful fact gives me faith.

SOOOO....
if you're feeling insecure and you don't know what for, just remember you're turning heads when you walk through the door.
sorry couldn't help but bring a little one direction up in here.
But you are, in fact, turning heads, every time you walk through the doors. YOU, lovely person, are constantly turning God's head. For he made you wonderfully, and he believes in the purpose that is you. You may not know what that purpose is yet, and you may not be crazy happy with everything about yourself but that's okay. God created YOU, your strengths and weaknesses, and knowingly put you on this Earth. He made you to be beautiful and strong and absolutely perfect for the purpose you are intended to fill. You may not have it all figured out, but that's okay. Trust the Lord, he has got your back. You are his wonderful work, and nothing or nobody is better at being you.

Remember the Lord took a week to create everything around us, but He took 9 whole freaking months to make you. Just let that sink in.

Hit me up if you ever need a pep talk or just need to talk, and know that you're always in my prayers.

"And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and  every kind of perception, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God." - Philippians 1: 9-11

Divine Providence

Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence is the title of the book my parish priest gave to me two months ago. Siri has informed me that “Providence” is both the capital of Rhode Island and the manifestation of God's foresightful care for His creatures. Knowing this, I laughed this morning when I came across the same book with the unreasonably long title, lying open on the floor of my car, the spine crushed by a glass shelf. (Don't ask)

I laughed because the natural metaphor machine in my brain immediately struck with me with one of the most accurate spiritual comparisons it has conceived thus far: I treat this book about divine providence the same way I treat actual Divine Providence in my life. I've seemingly overlooked the secret to true happiness! Let me explain…

We are promised constantly in scripture and in the Sacraments that God is always watching over us, protecting us, and caring for us. We see this in Exodus 16, in which The Lord provides for His chosen people of Israel with bread and quail, even as they continued to disobey God's commandments and complain constantly.

Then in Jeremiah 29, a verse we are so familiar with,

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Brothers and sisters, there is a difference between following God's will for us and trusting it. I can walk blindfolded, with you leading me, and still not trust that you're actually taking me for ice cream. In reality, I know that I wholeheartedly listen to God's will for me with an open heart, but doubt and uncertainty still linger. My mouth speaks the word “yes,” but my heart has me wait at the door, until it knows it's safe outside.

To be welcomed into the wonderful mystery of our faith demands a sacrifice of comfort that defies all of our innate survival instincts. God calls men and women to work with lepers and the poor, to strip themselves of all worldly possessions and to give their lives to others. How can we be expected to trust a God who demands so much?

Well, it's not easy and it takes time. So this Lent, as we strive to make sacrifices of time and comfort, and we increase our dependency on God, we can also strive to trust that following God's will is the quickest and surest path to our own happiness and will give us the most fulfilling life here on Earth.

Can ya dig it?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on God's will and providence. 
Text me at 972-825-3477

Peter

     John 21 partly recounts what many know to be the “story of Jesus and the fish,” where Jesus tells the disciples to cast out their nets again and they catch so many that their nets nearly break. This is one of his appearances to the disciples after his Resurrection, and afterwards Jesus has a conversation with Peter. Now, when Jesus was taken away before his crucification, Peter stood outside in the courtyard and denied him three times, just as was predicted. Now, Jesus asks Peter if he loves him, repeating it three times, and thus restores Peter, counteracts his denial.

     I’m not a biblical scholar or theologian, I’m just a teenager with access to the internet, but I do know that the Gospel of John was written in Greek with a greater purpose in mind than recording word for word the life and times of Jesus of Nazareth. In Greek, love’s many dimensions were more clearly defined in that there are four words for love. Storge was natural affection, the type a parent naturally feels for their children and vice versa. Eros is love associated with sexual desire (whose relationship with the other forms is very interesting and complex - see Deus Caritas Est). The two words used here are phileo - often characterized as brotherly love, and agape, love as an act of self-gift, the perfect love that emanates from God.

     The first time Jesus asks Peter he uses the word agape. He asks Peter do you love me unconditionally as God the Father does. And Peter responds that he phieleos him, he loves him as a brother. Again, Jesus asks Peter, do you agape me and again Peter responds he phileos him. Finally, Jesus asks the third time, this time if Peter phileos him, and Peter responds that he does. 

      Jesus saw that Peter was not capable of what He wanted him to be capable of, and yet instead of leaving it Jesus met Peter where he was by asking the third time if he phileos him. And then He did something else. He told Peter that he would be the rock upon which He would found his Church. Peter was a coward, a follower, the ye in "oh ye of little faith." He was just a man. But Christ took him as he was and built His vehicle of salvation upon him anyways. 

“All the empires and the kingdoms have failed, because of this inherent and continual weakness, that they were founded by strong men and upon strong men. But this one thing, the historic Christian Church, was founded on a weak man, and for that reason it is indestructible. For no chain is stronger than its weakest link.”

- G. K. Chesterton