Do you ever have this desire that you know you want but you think its kinda silly and stupid and unreasonable so you don't want to even bring it to Jesus because its going to make you look so little and dependent and helpless and weak?
A lot of times in my personal prayer, I know deep down what my heart desires but I won't admit it to myself, or if I do, I sure as heck try to trick God into thinking it much prettier, much more elegant, and much more sensible. But y'all, nothing about The Cross is sensible, and prayer shouldn't be either. God desires us to come to Him with passion and love and anger and fear and heartbreak and a thirst. He created us as uniquely Human, to be in this world, but not of it. He thirsts for us to come to Him exactly the way we are, broken, fallen, joyful and miraculous creatures. Life is coarse; its bumpy and sticky. God doesn't want us to pretty up our mess for Him, He wants us to offer our authentic, real selves to Him. I am so so guilty of prettying up my prayer before God to make it seem "better" or "more mature". But its not authentically mine and God knows that.
Never be ashamed of whats on your heart. Our human desires are (mostly) good and Holy. Don't pull a Mary Catherine and be embarrassed by whats stirring up in your heart. Even if it seems impossible or unreasonable, if you never bring your desires, fully and honestly to God, how do you ever expect to trust Him? I tell my best friend, Faith, everything. I know she's not going to judge me for dreaming too big or desiring crazy things. If we don't talk to God about our hearts like we talk to our best friends, how are we supposed to maintain the most important friendship of all creation- the one between man and His Savior?
So if you have this crazy, wild, unreasonable desire on your heart, take it to the Lord, just the way it is. He handled The Cross for us, it brings His heart immense joy when we trust him to handle our hearts. Ask Mary to pray for it for you, she'll make it real pretty to give to her Son, if your still embarrassed like me. But God knows your human, so don't feel like you have to go before Him as anything more. Our Humanity beautiful and we cannot be afraid to embrace it.
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