CROSSed Up

Carrying Your Cross

 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes.  “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing."

John 9:1-8

A cross. Two pieces of wood connected together. Such a simple creation with yet such a  complex, rich, meaning. Yet for the longest time I felt as if the cross was just that simple definition, those two beams that Jesus lumbered up the hill to die on, those two sticks knotted together around people's necks, those two pieces of psalms that I used to connect on that special Sunday, those shapes that my mom collected to put in our living room. To me, the cross was an overused mascot of the Christian faith, a spiritual makeup if you will, that people threw on to cover up their religious shortcomings.

 This view of the cross stayed pretty stagnant for me until a retreat I attended to with my school. During the retreat A lot of focus was paid onto the symbol of the cross, yet the way it was described was in a way that abolished pre-conceived notions. He talked about how everybody has a cross to bear, and no one is given a cross to heavy to carry. Now when one thinks of bearing a cross, instantly modifiers of suffering flow through the cerebral cortex ( fancy word for your mind), however this priest talked about the positivity and pleasure in bearing a cross. He said these words which still stick with me, "you don't HAVE to carry your cross, you GET to carry his cross." Now I don't know about you, but lugging a 100 pound wood specimen up a steep hill (metaphorically) isn't exactly my idea of a good time, so this saying made about as much sense to me as the popularity of that crazy Korean song Gangnam Style (no idea how people like that song). However as I began to meditate and pray about those words, I came to realize the joy in bearing my own cross.

August 15, 1999, the date God blessed me with the best cross anyone could ask for, my little brother Joseph Allen Lucido. Joseph was my first sibling, so naturally I was ecstatic when hearing I was going to be a big brother. However that joy was short lived, as early in Joseph's life we realized that he had some serious health problems. As an infant he failed his hearing test, as the doctors declared he had some hearing issues, he then failed to start crawling or walking, while also continuously crying in his early years. My parents knew something was seriously wrong with him, so they took him to numerous doctors. Finally they received a diagnosis: encephalopathy, which basically means that his muscles don't properly connect to his brain, his brain will send a message through the nervous system to the muscles, yet the muscles will never receive it. He can't eat through his mouth, can only see outlines, can't speak, has limited hearing, can't talk, can't walk, can't get up, can't even control his muscles. All these "can't's" produced a huge can for my parents, "Can we take care of him?" With God as their strength my parents have done everything for him for all of his 13 almost 14 years of life, talk about sacrificial love. To me their actions are the nearest imitations of Christ's sacrificial love for us, Christ dictates his agape (fancy word meaning love) by dying on the CROSS, while my parents dictate their's through their CROSS, my brother.

But what I really wanted to talk about was the incredible effect of my brother on me. At first, I thought of Joseph like I thought of Jesus's cross, a burden, a cause for suffering, something to almost be ashamed of. When we would take him out in public, people would stare, people would always ask what happened to him, why he couldn't talk, why he couldn't walk, and those reactions really hurt me, just as the initial pain of the cross hurt Jesus. I would not like spending time with him, and get angry when my parents would talk to me about him, I shied away from the cross, and Peter and the rest of his Jesus' disciples did. However as I grew older, as my understanding of the symbolic nature of the cross transformed, my understanding of my brother transformed. I figured out how happy and content he is, by his huge smiles and loud belly laughs, I learned how brave he is, having to go to the hospital all the time, I learned how pure he is, (if you think about it since he can't talk or control his muscles he pretty much has never committed a sin) but most importantly I learned how much I love him, and how much he loves me.

That's what brings me to the bible verse at the top of the page. Ever since I can remember I have loved this story from the gospel of John, because it really does hit close to home for me and family. Sometimes when it comes to my brother, people are like Jesus' disciples who asked which one sinned, the parents or the son: they just don't understand the situation. But for me, my brother is that light that Jesus talks about in the passage, he is that inspiration I can always lean on when I'm forsaken. The line that hits me the most is "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him".  Joseph who never has spoken a word, has become a true source of words for me to express my deepest conviction as a Christian. Joseph who is so vulnerable has become a source of strength for me to help announce the mystery of Christ. Joseph who cannot eat by himself, has shown me the importance of nourishing myself in the everlasting bread of the Eucharist. He who cannot expressly visually recognize me, has helped me clearly recognize God's blessing in my life. Joseph, whose life seems so simple, has helped me realize the unbelievable complexity  of living in today's society. Truly the works of God have been displayed through him.

As teenagers in Christ, I think a lot of times our relationship with Jesus can be like my relationship with my brother. Since my brother can't talk, conversations with him are heavily one sided, just like our prayers with God sometimes, we feel like we are doing all the talking. Also Joseph's condition is largely unknown, we don't know exactly what he can or can't do, just like how God can be completely unknown to us sometimes, not knowing how he is going to touch our lives next. Also I love my brother, and he loves me   while he has never told me that, I know that he loves me cause he is my brother. Same goes with our relationship with Christ, while he has never texted you saying "I love you", ( if he has then I would love the number please), but we still know and feel his infinite love and mercy for us.

For your reflection: try to think about what cross God has placed in your life: maybe that's a call to the religious life, maybe it's a kid who you just can't stand at your school, maybe it's a friend who has gone off the wrong path. Reflect on that cross, maybe the weight of that cross feels overwhelming to you, remember even Jesus himself had a little help in the form of Simon helping carry the cross. If that is a case find a Simon, someone who can hell you bear that cross, a youth minister, a friend, a parent, a spiritual director.  Then try to think of how you can take this cross of suffering and turn it into a cross of resurrection, of joy, something to be praised. Then pray about it, ask The Lord for strength, cause remember God doesn't give us anything you can't handle.

If you have any questions, comments about what a handsome strapping young man I seem to be, concerns, or just need someone to talk to, I would be happy to hear from you. You can reach me at 214-934-8707 or email me at lucido.john@yahoo.com.


Gig 'Em and God Bless

John Michael Lucido