Peace

Allow me to be vulnerable...

When I got into my car to head home tonight from a nice dinner with friends, I could not have expected the plan God had for me the rest of the night. I never expect it.

As I drove home, I found myself trying to talk as sincerely as I could with God, and I begged Him to free from my struggles. I let my faults break me down to the point where I was done. I worked myself up into a frantic mixture of despair and anguish, trying to hold onto my past encounters with God, in hopes that faith would gush out once again and bring me to tears, but no tears fell. 

I sat quietly, feeling confused and angry, mostly at myself for ever forgetting what The Lord had already given to me. 

And then... In the moment of my greatest weakness, I knew that every thing would be alright. I prayed aloud, 

"It's going to be ok. It's ok. I am at peace."

I was truly at peace. As far as I know I'm not bipolar, so what I felt must have been a gift from the Spirit. So I prayed for more, asking the Holy Spirit to come, giving Him permission to work in my life. What He told me was that I could be at peace, and still struggle. That the struggles of this world will not be taken away until the end of my days, and that I could have peace, knowing that then, I would be truly free.

I served a special 10:30pm mass when I got home, still feeling at peace. During Father's homily, he spoke about how God promised us that He would always be with us, but He never promised to take away the struggles of this world. Then, towards the end of his homily, he said softly, 

"It's going to be okay." 

Brothers and Sisters, do not despair. Do not be afraid. The Lord our God will give you peace when you call upon His Spirit, and He will never, ever, leave you. 

"Behold, I make all things new."

Rev. 21:4

Alex